Updates on my Quarter Life Crisis (QLC)

I think my sister Catherine's expression (far right) reflects my feelings these past four months perfectly. It has been a time of soul-searching. And if you don't know what that means, just look into Catherine's eyes above. You will realize, that you do, in fact, have a soul. That gaze could make a grown man cry.

Ok, back to me though. 

I have considered more professions than most of you would in a lifetime: 

• Teacher (Age 10, it was wanted I wanted to be when I grew up)
• Biochemist (first major at BYU)
• Pediatric Nurse 
• Labor and Delivery Nurse
• Exercise Specialist
• Personal Trainer
• Physical Therapy Aide
• Physical Therapy Assistant 
• Physical Therapist
• Respiratory Therapist
• Cardiovascular Specialist
• Radiology Technician
• Geriatric Specialist
• Diabetes Educator 
• Dental Hygienist 
• Dental Assistant 
• High school Biology teacher
• Doctor (ok maybe I only thought of this one for 27 seconds)
• Chinese teacher
• Bread Business Owner
• Photographer
• Nanny
• Homeless Person
• FBI linguist

• Chinese translator 
• ESL teacher 
• High school Math teacher 
• PE teacher 
• Data Entry Specialist 
• Administrative Assistant 
• Public Health worker 
• Dietician 
• Professional Blogger (really)
• Public Health Professor
• Chinese Professor 

I would like to tell you that I've narrowed it down, I've found it, I have discovered what my real passion is these past four months. But I haven't. I think it takes a long, long time for all of the puzzle pieces to fit together. 

Yesterday I was feeling unmotivated to go running...and in fact, unmotivated to do anything. But then, I discovered a  beautiful thing called podcasts. You can download free BYU speeches/devotionals/firesides onto your ipod. Free! Did I mention...FREE? That was just the motivation I needed. I popped those suckers onto my ipod, drove to the Duke trails, and was able to pump out 6 miles while listening to an awesome talk called "What is your Calling in Life?" I had read this talk a few months before, but for some reason, after four months of soul-searching and unemployment, and more than four months worth of anxiety built up inside of me, this talk took on a whole new meaning. For those thirty minutes of listening, I felt like I was in line with the universe. It was one of those moments where you feel like you're doing something right. Where you feel like someone understands. Where you feel like you aren't a complete idiot for not knowing what to do with your life. Where you feel like, finally, someone isn't judging you because you're single at age 25. Where you feel like your problems don't isolate you, but connect you with everyone else. And where you feel like, at the same time, they are personally understood. It was enlightening. 

Of course, that feeling is fleeting. Why is it so hard to hold onto those moments? I'm still left to face the occasional (ok, frequent, let's be honest) smack-in-the-face despair that tries to overcome your good-intentioned optimism. It's hard waking up every morning and having NO IDEA what you should do with your time. 

On a side note: I got a job doing day care at the local fitness center. It's very part time, and doesn't pay well, but it came at a time too inspired for me to complain too much. It was at a moment of complete frustration this past week. The kind of frustration where you don't want to talk to anyone, and if you did, you really would not have anything to say. You know, the kind of feeling that you can't communicate. I said a prayer, and five minutes later got a call from the boss there telling me of the job. It's nothing big, but it will at least help me earn some extra money when I need it desperately. More importantly, it was a little tender mercy that I needed. Badly. I am grateful to have the job. And even more grateful to know that everything will work together for my good in the end.