So maybe there's this boy that I super-like, and so maybe we go over to his house the other day. They happen to own a small, white, cute dog. I warned him that I "wasn't too fond of" dogs and that I thought they weren't too fond of me either. I might have used the word "hate." I know, a little strong, but lezzbehonest, I've had some bad experiences. In fact, I can't remember the last time I had a good experience with a dog.
Back to my story with cute boy. We go over to his house. I walk into his house, fully aware that I've got to win this dog over, or at least be neutral acquaintances. Dog greets me with some barking that I would never guess could come out of so little an animal. I'm unaffected. On the outside. Trying not to let my fear show (they always know). Once he calms down, I think,
"Ok he's small, I can like this dog. He's so cute! And he's non-allergenic! Major plus. I love dogs! Right? Right!"
Cute boy picks up dog in his arms. I want in on the dog cuddle action, so I ask if I can hold him. Little brother says, "Make sure you put your hands like this so he doesn't---"
All of a sudden the dog is flailing at my face with his claws, I mean, paws.
And for the next 10 minutes I'm sitting with toilet paper on my face to stop the minor bleeding.
Yes, this really happened.
See, that little red spot? This is post-makeuped, so it doesn't do it justice.
Evidence #2
The other day I was running up to my apartment on the third floor, minding my own business, when suddenly the 2nd floor apt door opens and out FLIES a dog, and I mean, for real, this thing was FLYING. All fours in the air! I start bolting up the stairs and he is yipping at my heels, barking OOC. I run all the way up those two flights. And he is behind me the whole time.
Why was he not on a leash? YOU TELL ME
Evidence #3
Running down the street the other day on Fort Union Blvd with my headphones on, jammin, and I see to my left a guy run out of his house screaming at me. Then, after 5 min of running down the street, I feel a small animal *devouring my calves. The man was yelling/laughing at me to get his dog as it was running down the street after me. I've never run so fast in my life.
*dramatic effect added
Evidence #4
Every interaction with a dog on my mission in Taiwan.
Evidence #5
Forthcoming (will happen in the future)
You make me laugh, Lindsey :) For the record, a dog lover would tell you that all of those incidences are evidence of a dog's love for you. They bark, jump, bite, scratch and yell BECAUSE they want to be your friend, get close to you, and love you. Seriously. That's what the dog lovers say. I've yet to believe it myself, though...
ReplyDeleteHahaha! I hate dogs too! I had a friend when I was a kid that had a big bite mark scar on her face from a dog. At least that hasn't happened to you yet, right? (Maybe that will be your number 5? Lol. Jk. AYIL?)
ReplyDeleteStop posting, Lindsey! You make me LAUGH TOO HARD!!! Seriously, I cannot stop when I read your posts. This was hilarious! Do feel bad about the dog attack, though. Just wondering if your relationship with cute boy survived the face-off with his dog?
ReplyDeleteYou get that from you mother. I'm not a dog lover either. I visit teach a lady with a dog who greets us at the door with barks and then stays in the living room while we visit. I have made it known I don't want the dog sniffing or touching me. My companion loves dogs. So we sit down on the couch, she cuddles with the dog and he [the dog] looks at me and I look at him with a "don't sniff me or touch me with your wet nose!" So yea, you come by it honestly. By the way, when do we get a picture of you and this "cute boy"?
ReplyDeleteOh come on! You were ok with my dog weren't you?
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, is that a deal breaker for the boy?
Some dogs...not a deal breaker for the boy, fortunately (I don't think it is at least)
ReplyDelete