the joy we seek

My move from Provo, UT to North Carolina. To say it has been hard to adjust to a completely different environment is an understatement. Call me dramatic, but it has been challenging. Not only has it been hard to adjust to being unemployed, with every day full of...nothing...but it has been difficult and also enlightening to be out of "the bubble" of Provo, as it is affectionately termed, and into the "real world." Many of you may not know what I'm talking about. Allow me to elaborate.

I went from living in a religiously homogeneous environment, with the "false reality" of undergraduate lifestyle, to living in the real world of unemployment, responsibility, and, at times, loneliness. I hardly ever listened to the radio while living in Provo (mostly because I didn't have a car), but now I listen to it almost every day. I have been bombarded with false media messages about sex, the purposes of life, and the true sources of fulfillment, all of which I was more or less sheltered from living in Provo.

This past month has led me to question the purpose of life and the main sources of joy and fulfillment. I have questioned my own motives as I have looked back on my college experience and the past years of my life - all of which have been filled with activities like group dates, multiple road trips, hiking adventures, ward activities, along with the occasional late-night study session at the library. I have questioned my own actions and motives, thinking I have been immature in my priorities at times. Granted, those activities are all fun and mostly innocent, but were they really the best use of my time? What have I gained from those activities now? If there was no depth in them, nothing that made me stretch and grow, they are of no use to me now.

This is a pretty huge epiphany. Especially since I am a clean 50/50 split between blue and yellow (personality tests).

So this has all led me to really wonder what the real purpose of life is - is it to work? Earn money? Have fun? Have families? What about people who don't have the opportunity to have families? What about those that are poor and don't have money? What about those that are rich? There has got to be a different answer.

As I have turned to the scriptures and other various talks, I have found a lot of light and truth. The Book of Mormon states, (2 Nephi 2:25) "Men are that they may have joy." What is joy? It's not just fun. It's not just happiness. It won't come through money.

I found the beginning of my answer in this amazing talk by our church leader, Richard G. Scott:

"The joy we seek is not a temporary emotional high but a habitual inner joy learned from long experience and trust in God."

I could break down that quote and dissect it, but I prefer to let you do that on your own. There is a lot of solid, hopeful truth in that quote. The words of this modern day apostle have helped me gain perspective as I better understand my purpose every day. These words have provided answers to the questions I have been pondering, as well as described a means to obtaining this type of joy and developing the discernment needed in a world filled with so many conflicting voices and influences. Love it.

My Sanity

too much free time

What have I been doing with all my free time now that I don't have a job/school, you ask? Well my days usually consist the following:

1. Waking up too early to make dad breakfast (I know right)

2. Going running in the forests of NC (which brings me great joy as I listen to the crickets and drink in the wildflowers all the while listening to General Conference talks in Chinese)

3. Going to DYSA activities. In the span of one week, I have done the following things with the single's ward: Fireside, FHE, ward volleyball, temple trip/treat night, another volleyball night, institute, ultimate frisbee night, dance party. Overboard much? Possibly. I have at times questioned whether attending this number of activities is productive and a good use of my time. However, I was reminded by Sister Oaks last Sunday at the CES Fireside that we are not saved in isolation. Going to activities is one way to build people. People are important.

And, let's be honest, since I don't have anything else to do and am usually starved of any social interaction all day, there's really no reason not to go. Especially when I remember that life will not always be this slow-paced, even starting in a week or so.

4. Working on my mission book. I have spent probably 20 hours this week reading through my mission journals, pulling quotes and experiences to include in a book I am creating on my mac. It's been a "neat" experience (look, I'm picking up dad's lingo, too) to read them; I have found myself desiring to be more valiant and to pray more fervently as I think back on the power, revelation, and happiness that results as I do so. This has been the first time that I have had the time and energy to reflect back on my mission since I came home 2 1/2 years ago. (Yes, I'm old. Thank you.) I was thrown into BYU schooling/social life 1 week after coming home from Taiwan and haven't had a "break" since. So I think this is good for me to stop and reflect. In fact, I think it's been the only thing that has kept me remotely sane this past week.

Here is a teaser experience from my mission album that I thought was quite entertaining (written one week after going to Taiwan):

“Tonight we taught the Xu family. The mother is searching for a church and both are really smart. I can’t understand a thing they say. It’s so humbling. And the father said I look like I understand 10%. Anyway, tonight he was talking about prayer. He said how the first time he saw someone pray there was no feeling. Then he saw me pray. He said there was feeling and sincerity and that he hasn’t seen anyone pray like that. He then commented on the fact that maybe it was because I was trying to think of all the Chinese I knew...I don't really know which of those is more true.”

Sending the best from Pa Ma and L. xoxo

The Things I don't Post about.

1. How much I love my four sisters
2. The joy of Baja fish tacos

3. How cute my nieces and nephews are

4. My trip to Ashboro Zoo with Angela (August 29, 2011)

5. How I have eaten 6 TCBY parfaits in the last 3 weeks

6. My last visit to Jenni & Heber Sheffield in Lehi, UT (she was one of my closest friends from Provo)
7. The awesomeness of my last roommates Cass, Ronnie, Kasia, Dezi (Lauren, too)
8. How much I miss my bestest friend Jami
9. Watching The Sound of Musical at Sundance theater (August 5, 2011)

10. Tubing in Lava Hot Springs, Idaho with Andy, Kasia, Terry, Whitney (August 2011)

11. The Springville Triathlon I competed in (July 31, 2011)
10. Our 3-day rafting trip in Oregon (June 22-25, 2011)

11. My sweet finds at thrift world (skirt)

12. How much I hate being unemployed

13. My new-found love of Ultimate frisbee

14. My trip to visit my roommates in Idaho (August 12, 2011)

15. My love of the beach