A discussion on the word "scalpel" and why it should never be used in a medical setting

To all the doctors in the world: NEVER USE THE WORD "scalpel" when speaking with a patient.

Why? Let me explain.

This is my current condition:

NO I'm not pregnant! What? You think just because I'm wearing yoga pants and a baggy tee and pointing to my protruding belly means I'm prego? Come on, now, be a little bit more open-minded.

So... I'm going to share some details with you that you probably don't want to know, but let's be honest, anatomy cured me of any body shyness long ago, and the world needs to know that there are some crazy smart people (doctors) out there.

So.... I've had this lump on my lower abdomen (about 1.5-2 in below my belly button line) for about one or two years. It has caused no problems until yesterday, when it swelled up about 3 times it's normal size and started to hurt.

So... I went to Urgent Care (I'm a little "Urgent Care" happy since I have great insurance these days...jk, sort of) to make sure it wasn't some sort of cancer growing inside of me.

The doctor was crazy, guys. Proof as follows(emphasis added):

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*after looking at lump*

Doc: Whatever it is, it's infected. So you'll need an antibiotic.
Me: Well, what is it?
Doc: It's too high to be a swollen lymph node, so it's either a cyst or a discreet mass. You have two options. Either I cut you open right now and try to scalpel it out or I refer you to a surgeon tomorrow.

Me: (in my head) Scalpel? What? Cut me open? What? But I wanted to go running...
Me: (outloud) Which one is cheaper?
Doc: Me.
Me: What if you can't "scalpel it out?"
Doc: Then I refer you to a surgeon.
Me: Uh, ok.

5 seconds later

Doc: Are you sure you're emotionally prepared for surgery?

Me: No.

Doc: Ok! *knee pat*

Doc: Ok, now I'm going to numb you up. *shows me fatty needle*

Me: Uh, is this going to hurt?

Doc: Yes.

Me: How much?

Doc: A lot.

Me: Um, like in comparison to giving blood?...

Doc: It will hurt more. I'm an honest doctor. I will tell you if it hurts, and it will hurt.

Me: *full body tense action starts* Thanks?

Me: oowwww owwww owww, tear

 Doc: See, I told you that would hurt.

5 seconds later, surgery begins
Doc:  I knew it was a cyst! I knew it!
Me: Cool.
Doc: Want to see what I just pulled out of you?
Me: No?
Doc: Just take a look (puts right next to my face)
Me: Ew.

5 seconds later
Doc: So now you have a hole in your stomach. If we were to sew it up now, it would get infected. So now I'm going to "pack it."
Me: Hole? Pack? With what?
Doc: *holds up sups long gauze strip*
Me: How deep is this hole?
Doc: About an inch.
Me: Ew. 
Doc: Come back and see me on Friday and we'll switch it out with new packing. Don't shower. 
Me: (in my head) But I haven't showered in 2 days...
Doc: You can take a look now! I packed it!
Me: No, thanks.

2 seconds of silence and solitude later
Me: *look at belly and only see 1/4 inch of gauze sticking straight up out of my belly*
*faint*  
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I went to work this morning, but apparently Lortab 

 

does not actually work, and it's painful to walk around. So my principal sent me home early. I wonder if she knew I would just be writing a blog post...

            
    

How to entertain yourself if your Skype buddy is texting her boyfriend

Sweet potato dreams

Oh Hello. This week has been a lovely week. Monday I had off, so I decided to spend that time running around my house having dance parties, cleaning in spandex, and wasting my time exploring this food blog. I love this blog because you can type in any ingredient (let's say sweet potatoes) and it will bring up all of the best recipes from all of the best food blogs on the internet. I decided on this recipe. So I've been eating it this past week and it is so. good.

Sometimes I feel like my life can get pretty mundane. I mean, how many half marathons have I done? Like 10 now? Bor-ing. How many times have I gotten a group together to run a half marathon? A billion times. What do I do every day? The same thing. How many first dates have I been on? A billion. How many guys have I rejected? Too many. How many guys have rejected me? Too many. It just gets old. Let's be honest, here. Lately I've been in a funk, what can I say.

And the older I get, the easier it is to feel like my life is stagnating, like I'm not progressing. That's the reason I took this job teaching. And it is so, so, pushing me, don't get me wrong. But complete fulfillment was never meant to be found in career alone, or in my profession.

The other day in church during fast & testimony meeting, this guy got up (who had recently gotten married and was visiting the ward) and bore his testimony about marriage and how we single people just "don't know what [we're] missing" and how "life has not started until you get married." That guy made about 164 enemies during that testimony. Bless his hide.

This whole rant/soul-bearing episode stems from me asking myself why I only post pictures of things I've done, like that's all my life is. Then I started thinking, "Is that all my life is!?" Then I had another (one-year-too-late-to-be)-quarter-life-crisis and, well, you know where that led. To this lovely blog post. 

If any of you have any solutions to my predicament, please, do tell. But I'm pretty sure the only solution is the only one I really don't feel like doing/being.

AND that is....

WAITING. Patience. My least favorite virtue.

Back to my activities. Last weekend I went snowshoeing. It was fun. Here is the group:

My homie-friends from P-town came up and spent all of Saturday with me. It was so nice to be around people I feel totally comfortable around, people that I don't feel like I have to entertain. I know what you are all thinking, "Why don't you date one of them?" and "Why would they spend all day with you if they aren't interested?" Valid questions, all of which I've asked myself, and none of which I have answers to. So let's just move on to the next topic.

 THAT PIZZA...

is huge. 

I know, right! I live right next to my all-time favorite pizza joint, "The Pie." Yes, they built another one outside of the U's hole-in-the-wall endearing underground joint. And guess how close it is to my house? Like half a mile. I love where I live.

Friday. UPDATE!

I have good news for you all.....
I finally feel like I am getting back to my "normal" self.

After four months of chaos, (let's be honest) I finally feel like I am getting used to my location, JOB, the people here, co-workers, pace of life, everything. I still complain occasionally about being sick all the time (I work with 47 disease incubators, so that's to be expected), the cold temps (below zero? for serious?), and the fact that I still don't sleep very well, ever.

Things that have changed in 2013 so far:

1. I have actually started to LIKE my bangs. And I wear them down more now. What changed? I discovered a beautiful thing called hairspray.

2. I have started to feel like I like my job. I have been too swamped/overwhelmed for the past four months to feel this hardly ever. It has been exhausting. This past week I really felt like I was having fun with the kids. I actually laughed at them, instead of cried at them. They laughed at me. We danced together. And we spoke Chinese together. I tell myself in the morning that I'm going to hang out with my "48 little buddies," and then my job doesn't sound so intimidating. And there are some cool things about my job - I guess it's cool (?) that I feel completely pushed to the core every. day. and that I'm living up to my potential and doing my best. I have never felt like that so consistently with any job I've ever had, so that's good.

2. I have started to see the results of my efforts - the kids (almost all of them) are actually LEARNING Chinese. It's amazing. Granted, I still have to beg, bribe, and plead for them to actually speak Chinese with their friends, but I know they can. Still working on that one. They can write, they can speak, and they can read. They understand almost everything I say. It's awesome.

3. I have started to go down to Provo less. Which I've realized means I am starting to do more things in Salt Lake = good sign. Last weekend I went snowshoeing, and although I got sick from it, I would still say it was 100% worth it.

I also went snowboarding for the first time last weekend. There is a pretty good deal up at Brighton to go for only $20 for a 4-hr night of skiing/snowboarding.

4. I've also started doing Yoga. I know you care, but indulge me, okay. The rec center here in Cottonwood Heights is AWESOME - I could go on and on about how cheap and great it is. I went to my first class of Yoga last night and I think it will be my new strategy for stress relief and relaxation. Let the hippiness begin .....

To all the men who want their wives to have long, luscious hair

The Tradeoff:

*This post, if viewed by any males, will probably disqualify me as a potential dating partner. But heck, nothing is happening in that arena anyway, and they probably need a more realistic view of what it's like to live with women.

sistertime

 Luckily I there were a few days in SLC when I was not sick that Catherine and I got to hang out. Here we are at Temple Square looking at the lights!

 I also took her to SLC's most famous hot chocolate. The store is called "Hatch's Hot Chocolate" and is owned by a couple of "little people." Soooooooo good, hence the glazed look:

 Guess what else we did? We got to go skiing (my FIRST TIME! and Cath's 6th). Considering that I love 20 minutes from 3 of Utah's most famous ski resorts/mountains, I figured I better learn some time. Here we are after dieing through some scary-dangerous hills and loving the easy part that followed thereafter. By the end of the night, I felt like I got more of the hang of how to turn and what it feels like to shift your weight. I can't wait to go again.

 Sarah my roommate took us and (bless her heart) dealt with us at some very difficult points. *roommate brag moment: she does double black diamonds. Yeah, that's my roommate, what up!! I'm cool by default, right? (she's on the left)

 I loved it, apparently:

 Cath and I also went to see "Les Miserables," which I may or may not have cried through. So good.

 And we ate lots and lots of food, including Guru's famous sweet potato fries (mmmm)

 And watched the BYU men's volleyball game (those guys are hotties even if they are nineteen, eww, *no judgment policy)....

I loved having Catherine and her and already feel the void. Thanks to her for paying $850 to come see me and make my holiday wonderful! Family is the best!

Christmas 2012 in Southern Utah

I spent Christmas this year in Moab with my two sisters. 

I loved the bright white snow on the red, red rocks.

Although I pretty much felt like this the entire break (I got hit with viral bronchitis and sinusitis one after the other) and also only wanted to wear these clothes:

 ....my sisters were saints and still put up with me. Bless their hearts, seriously.

Despite the circumstances, I still really enjoyed spending time with my adorable nieces, L & H, and my adorable (but in a grown-up way) sisters.

The break was spent doing lots of fun things, like painting Liesel's nails:

(This is the face she made when I told her to smile for the camera):

I love Angela and Brian's family. Here they are on Christmas Eve. Not quite as picturesque, but probably more true to life. ;)

 Liesel seemed to love (opening gifts) eating the lucky charms out of her stocking on Christmas morning!

We also braved the snowstorm and went on a hike in Moab. !! Although I complained a little (who wants to go hiking when they are sick?), it was beautiful and I loved wearing my stretchy pants and (sister's) puffy out in public.

Here we are at the top of the hike overlooking all of Moab. Although this picture raises all sorts of questions (Why is the bridge of my glasses in the middle of my forehead? My does Anglea look 40 years old? Why is Catherine such a hottie? Why do I look 12?) it's one of those pictures you can't really skip over. 

I love snow. (photo cred: Cathy!)

 Liesel loved her first sledding experience.

However, she did not feel the same about her first snowball fight.

Cathy-poo and I on the hike to Corona Arch!

*Note: random guy is Catherine's "friend" (just in case you thought we picked up a stranger) ;)

Night hike with da sistahs!!

Nice pose, Ang