Saturday morning thoughts

It's Spring Break! Happiness

One of my favorite things is sleepy Saturday or Sunday mornings. Those kind of mornings that are totally quiet, outside and inside of you. I don't have enough of those mornings. I wish every morning could be like that, where you laze about in bed, contemplating, and where all of a sudden you're full of feelings and thoughts and ideas. But mostly feelings.

I whole-heartedly agree that life is altogether too fast-paced. Sometimes I wonder if life will always be like that, and then I think back to my mission, 

when life really was like that - incredibly full, but incredibly wonderful, too.

 
And I remember thinking, will life always be like this? And then reading this scripture:

"Therefore we should waste and wear out our lives in bringing to light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them; and they are truly manifest from heaven--these things should be attended to with great earnestness . . . let us do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."  Doctrine & Covenants 123:13,17


Recently I had the opportunity to go to the production by Rob Gardner called the Lamb of God. I can't even begin to articulate what I feel when I listen to this music. It speaks to my soul. Most of the most powerful spiritual experiences in my past have to do with music. This one is no exception. You'll have to go to the site and listen to the whole thing, along with the lyrics. You can download the music at the website linked here: http://www.spiremusic.org/lamb/album.php. 

One thing in particular that I felt last week watching the production performed downtown was a renewed appreciation for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Let me explain. The past six months have been a whirlwind of change adjusting to a new job, new location, new responsibilities, new roommates, new everything. Things have slipped through the cracks -- important things -- like reading my scriptures for half an hour every day, like memorizing "The Living Christ" like my Stake President asked us to do, like inviting my neighbors over for dinner and a missionary discussion, like inviting the girl I sit next to in Relief Society over for dinner because she looks lonely too, like going to all of the activities at church every week, like being a better friend to those I super-love, like calling that person back. The list could go on.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm a woman, and we're hard on ourselves by nature. But for some reason, I've started to get bogged down with all of the things I'm not doing. I've started to feel guilty and overwhelmed. I hate that feeling. And as I was watching this inspired production and since then, listening to the songs and lyrics, I started to feel that familiar fire of testimony grow within me. And then immediately following, I felt this guilt for not doing more with that testimony - this responsibility to act on it and use it and share it and help others and...and...then began the guilt cycle.

And then it hit me. WAIT. That is what this is all about. That is what the Atonement is about. And that is what the entire Plan of Salvation is about. I can testify of that power in the lives of everyone else. I can see the light of the Atonement in the eyes of that guy in my ward who's coming back to church. I can feel His love for that girl next to me in Relief Society. But what about me? For the first time in months, I felt a burden lifted.

I'm not perfect, and that is okay. 

Things fall through the cracks, and I slip up, and when it comes right down to it, my energy and abilities are so limited when compared to the needs of those around me. And that is why I need the Atonement every day! This is an exciting realization to me! And makes me want to add one thousand exclamation points to this paragraph!!!!!

Since then, I feel like Heavenly Father has helped me see all the things He has helped me do these past six months, instead of all the things I haven't done -- important things -- like helping me have the energy to go to my ward and reach out to all those new people at activities (even though I don't invite them over for dinner), or like helping me develop good relationships with my coworkers who aren't members, like teaching me through the Spirit every time I open up my scriptures, like helping me teach Chloe how to regroup in math, like helping me change who I am by becoming 1/1000th more patient with those kids every day (huge accomplishment, but still have a long way to go), like helping me teach 46 kids Chinese, and helping them love it, like getting me up every morning even when I'm sleep-deprived and tired, and helping me have a good attitude most days. 

Beautiful. Happy Easter, everyone, and if there was one thing I could do, it would be to buy you (yes, you) the "Lamb of God" CD so that you can feel what I feel, too. 

Thank goodness for Spring Break, that helps me slow down and lets me have a lazy Saturday morning.

march madness

Lately I've been feeling grateful for all the wonderful people in my life. Here are just a few pictures of some of the many people I love.

MARANDA- long-time bestiefriend & hair-stylist

mission buddies KIMMY & CHEN

roommie SARAH & twinner BETHANY

People are really what make life wonderful, aren't they? One of my other besties is my sister Catherine. She has come to Utah TWICE now! I conveniently got Strep throat right when she got here, so I got work off. The doc said I was too contagious to infect all those chillin's but she didn't say anything about getting a manicure & pedicure.....

Manicure faces

She also didn't say anything about going on hikes to Ensign Peak to see this beautiful view:

deliciousness

We also we went on a double to see Vocal Point and eat ice cream at Catherine's favorite place, the BYU creamery! Everyone who knows Catherine knows that she appreciates ice cream more than anyone I know. ;)

Scott, Cath, Eric, & Linz

 THEN WE WENT SKIING UP AT CANYONS! Despite the fact that I have been 3-4 times now, I still feel like I'm starting all over again every time. Frustrating. For loving to learn new things, I'm sure an impatient learner sometimes. Usually, I start to feel comfortable on skiis the last thirty minutes on the slopes, and then it's awesome!

We're cool!

How I felt most of the time skiing

Catherine insisted we take a "boot pic"

"This is supposed to be fun, right!??'

 THEN I WENT ON A SNOWSHOE/XCSKI/NATURAL HOT SPRINGS ADVENTURE with my friend Bethany & Robb up near Spanish Fork. 

Bethany & I starting out on the 2 mile xc ski portion

Beautiful

This was the view most of the way xc skiing...

Robb, Linz, & Bethany

Winter on top, summer on the bottom!

Beautiful sunset!

Those kids.

 I love working with kids (for the most part). After having strep two days this week, and then parent-teacher conferences for two days, the students were left with a sub for four days in a row. I've never felt so loved as when I saw them after a four-day absence. I love kids because they are so "without guile" and they are so so so so so so, SO forgiving. They don't hold grudges or make judgements. What kind of adult is like that? No one. Somehow life turns us into these prideful crazy people, who think we know it all. How does that happen? Anyway.
 Parent-Teacher conferences, although they are a lot of work and I end up working two 12 hour days in a row, are also a very sweet opportunity to recognize the unique strengths of each child in the classroom. One of my favorite things is to shower a little kid with praise and to just watch their face light up as we talk about how awesome they are in front of their parents. It also is a cool, cool opportunity for me to see how much they are actually learning - and for them to showcase that to their parents. It is the reward for those days that seem long, exhausting, and for those hours when I start to wonder if what I'm doing is actually working. It is also the payoff for all the other aspects of my job that sometimes seem frustrating.

I have come to truly love each of the kids in my class and to love watching them grow and learn and get excited about the language.

There's Naomi, who is a s-p-o-n-g-e when it comes to learning. Her fiery red hair and her excited green eyes always greet me with an enthusiastic, "你好!"(hello) when she walks into the class. She soaks it all up, and talks to all her friends in Chinese about how her dog ate this-and-that, and how she "went crazy" at her grandma's house with her cousins. She's a chatter, but she should be. She's got a lot to tell the world!

And then there is Tyler. His shiny black hair is usually accompanied with a red shirt or jacket (he loves that color). He is a little sluggish when it comes to transitioning from activity to the other, but once you get going on something that's fun he is quick to respond with "我可以吗？"(can I!?) Apparently he wants to be a Jedi when he grows up. When asked to write sentences in Chinese with the sentence frame, "I take _____to______." he will inevitably write something having to do with star wars, whether it's "I take my lightsaber to yoda." or "I take my baby brother to star wars."

And no one can forget about Joey. He has cute little freckles on his cheeks and is about half the size of everyone else, but no one could sense any insecurities from him once you turn on the music. He is the class clown and even his mom has no idea where he learned those "John Travolta gone wild" dance moves. His shoes are always untied and I am always amazed that I've never seen him or anyone else trip over his shoelaces. He has terrible handwriting but great intentions. He is a goofball, but if you call him out, he's straight as a board and responds with, "Oh. Ok." about 80% of the time. Despite a difficult family situation, he still seems to be a resilient and happy kid.

Oh and let's not leave out Lauren. She seemed to be a more serious girl in the beginning of the year, kind of quiet, super conscientious and hard-working. But in the past few months, I think she "found her voice." Her pronunciation is off-da-hook and I'm amazed at the volumes of vocabulary she picks up every day. Sponge, I tell you. At recess, she'll often be found "playing teacher," standing in front of the classroom, mimicking all the things that I say up there, word for word. It's adorable and reminds me of why I teach. For moments like that.