Spring, Funny Dreams & Epiphanies

Spring is here, reaching its little arms into the cold and hardened air. One can't help but feel reborn.

I slept in until 11:30 this morning. My last final was last night, probably one the hardest finals I've ever taken. I have no idea what grade I got in that class (Orthopaedic Exercise and Therapeutic Impairments)...my last class for my Exercise Science Major, Hallelujah! Now I'm cruisin till Graduation, hopefully.

I've had some pretty crazy dreams lately. Two nights ago, I dreamnt that I woke up, combed over the top layer of my hair, and lo and behold there was an entire layer of white hair underneath! I freaked out, and then I started growing more white hair. (Apparently I've been super stressed lately)...

Then last night, I talked to my sister Angela on my way home from my last final. In my dream last night, she died. My current Stake President conducted at her funeral, rather insensitively...ending it short without any words of comfort. No one seemed to realize what this meant! MY SISTER DIED! Luckily, mom was there. I was balling (Ang, don't you feel special?). The funny part is, I woke up this morning crying, with tears in my eyes! HAHA! Weird.

So lately, as I mentioned, I've been super stressed. About life, school, finals, etc...and felt really inadequate and hard on myself. I've just felt like I'm a failure at life sometimes. I'm always "too late" for the internships I apply for, don't know what I want in general, takes me forever to decide where to live, etc...I think I've let some pretty negativo feelings creep into my sub-conscience. Well, the other day I was thinking I needed to read my scriptures and see what Heavenly Father had to say to me about all of this. I read in Mosiah 2:22-24(?) about how if we serve Him with all our whole souls, etc...we will be unprofitable servants. Then King Benjamin goes on to say that all that He requires of us is to keep His commandments. I had an epiphany. We need to expect of ourselves what the Lord expects of us: keep the commandments. No more, no less. So, from now on I'm simplifying my life and focusing on living up to the Lord's expectations, not my own. Love the scriptures.

I love running

So...since I can't figure out how to arrange these pictures in a coherent way..this is going to have to do. This past weekend was rockin'. Went down to Moab to run a half marathon (rocked), went rock climbing after (rocked), saw Ang and Bri (rocked), and got to eat a huge buffalo burger (rocked). Best. Weekend. Ever. But now its back to the grind....

Tidbits from Julie B. Beck

Oh Hello!

So this week has been great. Busy, but great. And in less than a couple of hours I get to see Dad! He's coming to Utah for a seminar on who know's what. Yeah!

Last night, Julie B. Beck (Relief Society President of the WHOLE CHURCH!) came to Provo to give a Q & A session for my Stake's RS. It. Was. Amazing. I don't cease to be amazed at how often I feel like Heavenly Father answers my prayers in diverse ways.

Some of the things she said were: (don't judge me)

-Getting married is a matter of Faith. It's Satan who tries to discourage us. If you don't have faith, you will unwittingly act in a manner to discourge guys.

-She talked a lot about being a "Rachel" (in Old Testament) and about the eternal title of "Mother" that we learn in Mother Eve

-She quoted Eliza R. Snow in reference to spiritual and emotional self reliance; "We are not babies to be petted" and talked about doing good because no one is watching.

-She talked a lot about how the education we get is passed on through generations in our children; encourage us to get as much education as possible.

-Comparing yourself to others in any stage of life is like comparing yourself on the mission when you have no baptisms. We good because we feel through the Spirit the Lord is pleased with us.

-Knowledge of who you are, why you are here, and where you are going should be the foundation of all other decisions

-Modesty: Dressing immodestly is weakening the Priesthood on the Earth. Do you really want to do that for some leggings?

-There is no room for fashion at temple and church functions. Dress should reflect ordinances.

-Do good because the Spirit tells you to. Not because you will get rewards

-Most important skill to learn on this earth is how to seek, receive, and follow the Spirit.

-In light of decision-making, you shouldn't ask, "Education or marriage?"; you should as "Will it lead me to eternal life?" That is your goal.


Basically, it was awesome. I am changing because of it. I hope I can maintain a "perfect brightness of hope" for the future. (!)

St. Valentine?

I went to go visit my crazy kool sistah
In Moab, we partied with Brian, her mistah
We woke up real early in the break of dawn
To see the sunrise, it was a visual won-ton
Then we hiked up Corona the Arch, not beer
An air glider through the big arch, his way did steer
While we painted and painted in the hot hot sun
It took us hours before we called it done.
Then we played some settlers, I loved it cause I won
(You know I had to throw that in there son!)
The next day was lover's day so we went to church
Helped Ang teach those primary kids, learn to, for truth, search
We proceeded to go on a Sunday stroll
But "stroll" really means "strenuous hike" thats how the Hays's roll
Afterwards we relaxed and ate a delish French dinner
This year's Valentine's was a straight legit winner.
Presidents was spent skiing up in La Sals
We bonded and probably qualify to be a secret club called "The Pals"
I went downhill skiing for the very first time
My body hitting those trees was like a vegetative chime.

Thanks Ang and Bri! Love you guys!

New Head.

Red.
Usually when I have some boy I broke up with, or want to move on from, doing something to my hair symbolizes a fresh start. However, this time it just backfired...aaaaand now I feel worse because I know he'll probably think "Boy I'm glad I broke up with her before she did that to her hair!" I also got bangs cut. My hair is too course for bangs. They look bushy and just pop out, don't lay nicely on my forehead like most people. Yeah... ps. the pictures don't do it justice, it looks way worse in person, trust me...

Today I felt so embarrassed that I left campus to come home at 2 pm and put a headband on to hide the streaky lines on my head. Gross.

Things I will never again do to my hair:
1. dye it red
2. get bangs
3. any combination of the above.

Needless to say, I already have another hair appointment to re-dye my hair back to its normal color...hopefully my hair won't fall out in the process due to damage...

my current loves.

So, I actually haven't updated lately for lack of knowing what to say or how to say it, although I've had a billion thoughts going through my head the last few days. Today I feel quietly contemplative and content. Some things that I am grateful for the past few days and that continue to pull me out of the emotional slums and into an appreciation for myself and the world around me:

(Oh I know you love these lists don't you!)
LOVES OF MY LIFE

1. Running. I didn't do it last semester, I'll be honest. But with the eminent and formidable Moab 1/2 marathon race I've already committed myself to financially, and the weight of emotions I have experienced so keenly, I've somehow managed to find great motivation. It has saved me. I realize some of you may say "Well, didn't you hate it like a month ago??" Yeah yeah yeah...sometimes I just need space. But it makes me appreciate it even more when I do do it.

2. Music, yes music. It keeps me focused for hours on end in the library as I study. It speaks to my soul (Billy Joel, I love you.) It's fun to dance to. It helps me feel the Spirit. It's beautiful. Isn't it cool that our voices can make such a beautiful sound together?? (I'm in a chorus class this semester)

3. The Sabbath Day. Leaves me feeling invigorated and fulfilled. Love it. I am especially grateful for callings that allow us to have perspective, focus in our prayers, and develop talents and love for others.

4. Matchmaking. In case you guys don't know (you probably don't, because you are my siblings...let's be honest no one else reads this), I love love love setting people up. I figure, hey, if I know this guy, and he's not interested in me (or I in him), there's got to be some reason I know him right? Set him up! Plus, I (most of the time) like to go on blind dates (although I prefer real ones) so yeah. Maybe it's because I so far have failed at finding my own match. Or maybe it's because I just love Fiddler on the Roof that much. Today I set two of my friends up with two others friends. I can't wait to see the results. Heh, heh.

5. Listening to conference talks while cooking, my new fav hobbie. Try it and you'll understand.

So yeah. Life definitely has its ups and downs, and strangely/pathetically ironic parts to it. For example, I don't know if any of you remember the boy I liked from my mission. His name was David. If you can scroll back to the Halloween entry, you'll see a pic of him and I with some other friends making pizza. Well, he turned out to be not interested, and hurt my pride temporarily in the process. Well I found out this past weekend, he is dating Jeff's ex-girlfriend. Oh what a painfully small world it is. Oh the irony!

I will write a book someday. Time for bed.

Love, Lindsey

January 2010. Bam.

Like Angelayla, I've always loved the New Year. It reminds me of being frozen at the starting line of a big race, waiting for the gunshot to signal the opportunity for all of last year's "training" to be enacted. In past years, I've gotten a little over-zealous in goal-setting. What usually happens is I compartmentalize my life into spiritual, social, educational, etc... categories, evaluate my progress in each of those areas, set a number of goals for each area, some as vague as "eat less chocolate" or "be more patient" and then step off the plane with vigor and promise in the New Year and semester. I'm frankly not surprised that most of my goals don't come to fruition during the year. Usually I follow through with them for a month (if I'm lucky) and then forget about them in the business of life. I usually accomplish a few of them (the ones I set, knowing I would accomplish them anyway). But this year I'm trying something different.

I still think that evaluating yourself and progress is important and vital to not stagnating your growth/progress or plateauing. But I think my problem has been that I don't evaluate myself often enough. I've decided that my main goal this year is .....(are you excited?)....

To set weekly goals (and daily goals...plan my days) and re-evaluate myself every sunday.

Bam! Apart from a few bigger goals, I think this is more do-able. What do you think?

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Just finished my first week of classes back at the B to the Y to the U.

It has been an interesting week, full of challenges, inspiration, emotional extremes. Good. I finally have my classes all added and my schedule set in stone. My Chinese class looks daunting, to say the least. I left the class balling on the first day because my teacher was so intimidating. I'm still terrified of her, and her expectations, and 1/2 dread going to class everyday. I don't think I've ever heard such a feeling of complete inadequacies in any of my classes. However, I've also heard that she is the best professor in the Chinese department, so yeah. I guess its worth my anxieties?