How I feel about being employed

Remember that one time I spent 6 months applying for jobs and felt like this all day? Remember how that never really paid off but instead I got a job through a connection (girl in my ward's dad)? Remember how I got offered to work full-time 8:30-5:30 starting next Tuesday before they even saw my resume or had an interview? Remember how the same aspect of job-hunting that has semi-crippled me up until this point is the only way I'm getting a job now? (through connections, which I have lacked up until now) Remember how I would have complained about having a secretarial job before but now I don't care? Remember how I don't even care about all of that and just feel so so so so grateful? 

Yeeeeeeeeeeah, baby.

Do you KNOW what this means?

1. I will be able to experience the joy inherent in working hard again!

2. I will most likely be able to build up a savings account again!

3. Maybe I'll be able to reach my #1 goal of 2012- move out before the cockroaches come back!

4. First step to becoming more independent!

5. I can buy my own conditioner at the store and not have to budget it in! (But I probably will create a budget anyway!)

tender mercy #5483906843960

Intentional Living in 2012

New Years is probably one of my favorite holidays. In the Hatch home, it means personal pan pizzas, dancing, and homemade confetti fights. It means sparkling cider, movies, and games. It means all the junk food I can eat. It means bean dip and chips.

But also means rejoicing for a good year lived full of blessings, and hope for a better year.

On December 26, 2011 I reached my 3-year-home-from-the-mission anniversary. I always reflect back on the last year and think if I have made progress or not. This year I have thought a lot about the person I am and who I am becoming or not becoming. I decided to re-read my journal entries from 2011. It was an interesting experience and I learned a few things about myself. Here are just a few highlights from 2011: (including accomplishments, events, or things I've learned)


1. Worked as a TA and, more importantly, realized I love teaching
2. Studied harder than I ever have in my Microbiology class, succeeded
3. Developed new talents, learned somewhat how to think artistically- took Ceramics and "loved" it
4. In the span of 1 year, mentioned and/or discussed in detail my level of interest in nine different boys
5. Successfully (?) survived transition from undergrad to post-undergrad
6. Thrived after a breakup
8. Was able to build relationships here in DYSA and make new friends - reach out to people
9. Moved in the direction of nursing (studied for test, got certification, went to Duke, almost got job - realized I didn't want to do it)
10. Learned that life is not a race with a time-limit and sometimes the pace of our lives just slows down. And that's ok. Also learned that revelation comes piece by piece, line upon line, and it's okay to not know what you are doing in the future. Learned to overcome anxiety and accept uncertainties.
11. Continued to build my testimony that God is there as we struggle and grow.
12. Learned the value of not running from problems but instead repenting repeatedly when you make the same mistake again.
13. Learned that it's okay to move in one direction and change your mind.
14. Learned to recognize motives for my decisions: Why do I want a certain profession or why do I walk away from it? Learning that wordly concerns about how you appear to others or how much the profession is respected is not a good reason to do or not do something.
15. Learned that any work is better than no work.

Apart from learning that I talk about boys way too much, I learned a lot of things about myself, which has spurred the setting of a series of goals for 2012. I am trying to focus this year on becoming someone that I want to become. It has already helped in the past few days when I feel inclined to respond to a certain situation negatively. Instead of doing what I would do naturally (Mosiah 3:19), I have been trying to "yield" to the Holy Ghost and make my actions more intentional. I have had thoughts like, "Is this action in line with the person I want to be?" or "What kind of person do I want to be and what do I do to be that person?" I have a lot of progress to make and fall short continually, but I feel at peace and happy. I haven't felt this happy in a long time.

I read this quote yesterday that really hit me and that has changed my perspective on dating/marriage and being single. I have heard it before, but it has affected me more deeply recently, after reading about the nine different boys/almost-relationships I wrote about in my journal. It was said by Gordon B. Hinckley in General Conference 1996 in a talk called Women of the Church.

"Do not give up hope. And do not give up trying. But do give up being obsessed with it. The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably.

I believe that for most of us the best medicine for loneliness is work, service in behalf of others. I do not minimize your problems, but I do not hesitate to say that there are many others whose problems are more serious than are yours. Reach out to serve them, to help the, to encourage them. There are so many boys and girls who fail in school for want of a little personal attention and encouragement. There are so many elderly people who live in misery and loneliness and fear for whom a simple conversation would bring a measure of hope and happiness."

Favorite

Merry Christmas!

new hair

We all know I(you?) love these "new hair" posts...

Confession: My genetics are single-handedly responsible for my luscious thick-as-a-horse's-mane hair, as well as my numberless grey hairs at the ripe age of 25 (started at age 22!). Although most people (lie and) say they can't see my grey hair, I'm slightly self-conscious about it. When my friend who is an entry-level hair stylist offered to dye my hair for free, I jumped on the offer, although it's usually a huge time commitment (4 hours). This time, she added quite a bit of red, which I didn't like last time I dyed it, but actually rather like this time. She also added some blonde highlights, although those are much more subtle.

What think ye?

Who took the "burr" out of December?

• Rode sixteen miles to Wake County and back on the American Tobacco Trail 
• Got to see a real tobacco barn!
• Got my fill of fresh oxygen & horse poo 
• Enjoyed 67 degree weather 10 days before CHRISTMAS
• Wore shorts and Chacos 10 days before CHRISTMAS
• Thought it was summer instead of CHRISTMAS
• Passed numerous old men in shorts too tight
• Got winked at by an old man chewing on a toothpick 
• Wondered why that other old men was wearing a pink visor and pink shirt on his run
• Wondered why that other old man wasn't wearing a shirt at all on his run
• Felt grateful for a body that works so well and for the world around me that brings so much joy 

xoxo

Updates on my Quarter Life Crisis (QLC)

I think my sister Catherine's expression (far right) reflects my feelings these past four months perfectly. It has been a time of soul-searching. And if you don't know what that means, just look into Catherine's eyes above. You will realize, that you do, in fact, have a soul. That gaze could make a grown man cry.

Ok, back to me though. 

I have considered more professions than most of you would in a lifetime: 

• Teacher (Age 10, it was wanted I wanted to be when I grew up)
• Biochemist (first major at BYU)
• Pediatric Nurse 
• Labor and Delivery Nurse
• Exercise Specialist
• Personal Trainer
• Physical Therapy Aide
• Physical Therapy Assistant 
• Physical Therapist
• Respiratory Therapist
• Cardiovascular Specialist
• Radiology Technician
• Geriatric Specialist
• Diabetes Educator 
• Dental Hygienist 
• Dental Assistant 
• High school Biology teacher
• Doctor (ok maybe I only thought of this one for 27 seconds)
• Chinese teacher
• Bread Business Owner
• Photographer
• Nanny
• Homeless Person
• FBI linguist

• Chinese translator 
• ESL teacher 
• High school Math teacher 
• PE teacher 
• Data Entry Specialist 
• Administrative Assistant 
• Public Health worker 
• Dietician 
• Professional Blogger (really)
• Public Health Professor
• Chinese Professor 

I would like to tell you that I've narrowed it down, I've found it, I have discovered what my real passion is these past four months. But I haven't. I think it takes a long, long time for all of the puzzle pieces to fit together. 

Yesterday I was feeling unmotivated to go running...and in fact, unmotivated to do anything. But then, I discovered a  beautiful thing called podcasts. You can download free BYU speeches/devotionals/firesides onto your ipod. Free! Did I mention...FREE? That was just the motivation I needed. I popped those suckers onto my ipod, drove to the Duke trails, and was able to pump out 6 miles while listening to an awesome talk called "What is your Calling in Life?" I had read this talk a few months before, but for some reason, after four months of soul-searching and unemployment, and more than four months worth of anxiety built up inside of me, this talk took on a whole new meaning. For those thirty minutes of listening, I felt like I was in line with the universe. It was one of those moments where you feel like you're doing something right. Where you feel like someone understands. Where you feel like you aren't a complete idiot for not knowing what to do with your life. Where you feel like, finally, someone isn't judging you because you're single at age 25. Where you feel like your problems don't isolate you, but connect you with everyone else. And where you feel like, at the same time, they are personally understood. It was enlightening. 

Of course, that feeling is fleeting. Why is it so hard to hold onto those moments? I'm still left to face the occasional (ok, frequent, let's be honest) smack-in-the-face despair that tries to overcome your good-intentioned optimism. It's hard waking up every morning and having NO IDEA what you should do with your time. 

On a side note: I got a job doing day care at the local fitness center. It's very part time, and doesn't pay well, but it came at a time too inspired for me to complain too much. It was at a moment of complete frustration this past week. The kind of frustration where you don't want to talk to anyone, and if you did, you really would not have anything to say. You know, the kind of feeling that you can't communicate. I said a prayer, and five minutes later got a call from the boss there telling me of the job. It's nothing big, but it will at least help me earn some extra money when I need it desperately. More importantly, it was a little tender mercy that I needed. Badly. I am grateful to have the job. And even more grateful to know that everything will work together for my good in the end.