Pieces

D & I broke up.

Now what's left is for me to put together all the pieces and rebuild my life and future again. Not that I've lost myself, but I naturally build my life and future around the hope of it working out. So when it doesn't, I'm left with a bunch of pieces. Half of which are emotions. And a quarter of which are fears.

And on top of all of this, I'm forced to make some pretty big decisions all at once. I've semi-got offered a position to teach Dual Immersion third grade starting in August. It's kind of daunting to me. Don't tell the boss, but I haven't spoken or read Chinese in almost a year. Can I really teach math in Chinese? I'll have to spend a couple of hours re-learning the things I'll be teaching. It'll be like school, but this time I'm getting paid. And forced to perform every day. I might be a little uncomfrotable with the idea of stretching myself that much, even if I know that it'll probably be good in a hard kind of way.

Also...I'm embarrassed to admit the location of the position, so let's go ahead and state a "no judging policy" right now. It's in #cringe Provo. Utah. I really have not ever considered moving back to P-town. It was peachy those 5 1/2 years but that chapter of life has been closed. I thought, forever. Now I'm trying to wrap my mind around the idea of living there again. It's almost unwrapable. Part of me thinks, "I can live there for one school year and then opportunities will be greater outside of there because I will then have a year of teaching under my belt." Then another part of me thinks, "Another year in Provo?"

And plus, I've actually really come to love living in North Carolina and on the east coast.

Buuuut I can't afford to plateau, and it's getting too comfortable doing the things I do every day. And sometimes too uncomfortable, if that makes any sense.

.......